


Cats don’t have 8 legs?!?

by BlessieHilbert359



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Coffee, Extreme Danger Bugs?!?, Gen, Lying?! (For science)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25581502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlessieHilbert359/pseuds/BlessieHilbert359
Summary: Hilbert is finishing up an experiment, and Eiffel is unsure of how useful it is. Or a headcanon for one of the many incidents Hilbert hid from the rest of the Hephaestus crew...
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Cats don’t have 8 legs?!?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so there may be some OOC moments. It's written in script format, but this may change as I write more fics. I would love constructive criticism, but be gentle as I am new to fic writing!

Scene: Space Station [Lab] We hear science noises in the background. Beeps and whirs hum quietly, an experiment, perhaps?

Hilbert: *Muttering in Russian*

The door to the lab creaks open. Someone is breathing heavily as if they are on the run...

Eiffel: Hey, Doc. Minkowski is on the warpath, y’ know how cigarettes are contraband? She caught me with a pack... Can I wait out the storm here?

Hilbert: mhm, sure. она должна быть тридцать процентов пушистой ... [ It needs to be thirty-percent fluffier...]

Eiffel: Doc? You don’t mind if I hide a carton or two in the lab, do you?

Hilbert: mmhm, that’s nice...

Eiffel: Thanks! (We hear various creaks as Eiffel attempts to hide his cigarettes.) What are you working on Doc?

Hilbert: That’s fine. как бороться с слизь? [ How to deal with the slime?]

Eiffel: Doc? Whatcha working on? *Screaming ensues.* WHAT IS THAT?

Hilbert: hm? Oh, it’s my uh, cat. [It obviously not a cat].

Eiffel: That’s not a cat. That’s a-a spider! I thought you and Minkowski got rid of all the spiders from that creepy lab!!!

Hilbert: We did... I just happened to relocate this one to my lab for further study. Eiffel, if we missed any of the spiders, wouldn’t it be good to have some spider specific anti-venom on hand?

Eiffel: I-I don’t know. Does Minkowski know? I mean cigarettes are one thing, a death machine like that... [Eiffel shudders] I don’t want to think about could happen.

Hilbert: No worries! I have every-[The coms system sounds off.] 

Minkowski: *Irritated* Doctor, have you seen Eiffel recently? I need to - discuss something with him.

Hilbert: You sound irritated Commander, is everything alright?

Minkowski: Everything is fine… Except I just caught him trying to light a cigarette as if he doesn’t remember what happened last time he tried to smoke. I’m rounding up all of his “hidden” stashes of cigarettes right now.

Hilbert: I am glad you caught him commander, but I have to finish this experiment. Its very time-sensitive! [End coms] Now, Eiffel I will hide your stupid cigarettes, and yourself, if you never mention this to Minkowski.

Eiffel: I-I’m not sure…

Hilbert: Or I can call her right now. Hera?

Eiffel: No-no! I won’t say anything about your nightmare fuel. Actually, I’m just gonna go, somewhere else, far away from that thing…

Hilbert: Here let me give you something for your troubles. [A drawer opens with a creak. And we hear something like a ziplock bag] How about a cup of coffee? [The spider is quickly put in a glass tank].

Eiffel: Where did you get that? I thought we ran out of coffee weeks ago!

Hilbert: The commander left have the last bag, to make sure the synthetic version I am working tastes right. I’ll be right back with the coffee. [The lab door creaks open, and shut.] Hera, you are never to tell the commander of that conversation between, Eiffel and me.

[A couple of minutes pass. Hilbert returns to the lab with a cup of coffee].

Eiffel: Doc! You didn’t see the commander on your way over here, did you?

Hilbert: No. Here is your coffee, It should still be warm.

Eiffel: [Loud slurping], Thanks! Not having any Doc?

Hilbert: Hm? No, [holds up coffee bag], I am saving the rest for later. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get to… My cat.

Eiffel: Well, thanks for the coffee, Doc! [The door creaks as Eiffel, makes a hasty exit.]

Hilbert: Well, that takes care of that problem. When he wakes up, he will think he dreamed up the spider. Hera, You cannot tell Minkowski or Eiffel about anything involving the spider or the coffee. Now, to finish up that experiment…


End file.
